It's hard to believe that it's already been four years since the very first BreastAugust. Think back to summer, 2016 - It seems like a far away, primitive time:
Apple introduced the iPhone 6. Remember how slow and useless that was.
The Olympics came. My goodness, it’s almost time for us to once again pretend that we care about competitive swimming.
And, there was a whole mess of squabbling over an election. Thank God, we’ve all grown past that.
But also way back in 2016, we the people of Robert Schwartz Plastic Surgery, reintroduced BreastAugust to an America starving to find meaning in the second half of Summer.
I won't go into the whole history and mythos of BreastAugust. It's all there in the email we sent you in 2016. ( Aren’t you glad you never delete old emails?)
But enough background. This email is already longer than six tweets. Let's get to the offer.
A Sweet, Sweet Deal
Book your breast augmentation (or breast implant revision) with us anytime in August, 2019 and you'll receive $600 off the total price. That's a lot of money to spend on new bathing suits.
But Here’s Where it Gets Really Interesting
Great breasts are, of course, important, but, in our eyes, friendship is a close second. So if you bring a friend with you to your consultation, and both of you schedule surgery, we’ll double the discount. Yup, you both get $1200 off your breast augmentation or revision. Because, that’s what friends do for friends.
Now it Gets So Interesting That One Day You’ll Read This Email to Your Grandchildren
Remember how in the last paragraph, I said something about friends helping friends save on breast augmentation. Well, strictly speaking, they don’t actually have to. Like, if someone were to hypothetically not mention the discount to their friend and pocketed the entire $2400 in savings for themselves, who are we to say anything? We’re not your mother.
$2400 off a breast augmentation!! That’s an insane amount. Maybe worth even sacrificing a friend for. Or maybe… you bring someone who’s sort of a friend but not really. Hey, they'd be getting great breasts. What more do you owe them?
You can think through your personal ethics on this. Just don’t take too long. BreastAugust obviously ends with August. If you don’t book by August 31, your friends go back to just being useful for pretending to care about your Instagrams of meals and what is essentially the same car selfie over and over again.